Part 5. Understanding your Complying and Relating behaviours in the Leadership Circle Profile
The next few posts will help you explore your own Reactive (less effective for leadership) and Creative (more effective) ways of working with others, illustrated by my personal examples of those of my clients. For previous posts in the "Inspiring leadership" series and an introduction to the LCP tool, go to the bottom of this page.
"I don't want to come across as too pushy..."
"I'm delaying a tough conversation I'm supposed to have..."
"I don't want to move forward until every single person is on board..."
This is what Complying looks like, often with paralysing effects on the leader, their team and their organisation. And it resides in the Reactive side of a Leadership Circle Profile (LCP).
Reactive as useful skills to become a functioning part of society
Although frequent first questions about our Reactive tendencies are along the lines of “Are they bad?”, “Should I get rid of them?", it is important to remember that we all develop “Reactive” skills as we mature through life, from Egocentric mind to Socialized and, later, to Self-Authoring.
“Reactive” in the LCP represents our integrated knowledge of what our society appreciates and how we can fit into it. Society that not only rewards us through acceptance, recognition and promotion but also moulds our beliefs via consequences.
The three Reactive dimensions of the Leadership Circle Profile reflect this "act->get rewarded->continue acting this way" cycle. Complying is about rewards for fitting in, Protecting is about rewards for being smart and Achieving is about rewards for getting results. Reactive is how we learn to make use of our skills and our personalities and it is what got us here. But as a saying goes, “What got us here won’t get us there”.
If you look again at the top and bottom 10% aggregate leader profiles, you will see that the top 10 have a good dose of reactive skills and tendencies within them. The difference is that in addition to the Reactive, the top 10% leaders have developed strong Creative Competencies and have reduced their reliance on Reactive only.
From Complying (Reactive) to Relating (Creative)
Both Complying and Relating dimensions showcase how a person builds and maintains relationships with their teams, peers, clients and bosses.
However, they differ in HOW a person approaches relationships. This is because different underlying beliefs drive each of these dimensions. The below distinctions are taken from LCP’s interpretation manual, available on Leadership Circle’s website.
Complying (Reactive)
Complying measures the extent to which you get a sense of self-worth and security by complying with the expectations of others rather than acting on what you intend and want.
It is composed of:
Conservative – the extent to which you think and act conservatively, follow procedure, and live within the prescribed rules of the organization with which you are associated.
Pleasing – your need to seek others’ support and approval in order to feel secure and worthwhile.
Belonging – your need to conform, follow the rules, and meet the expectations of authorities.
Passive – the degree to which you give away your power to others and to circumstances outside your control.
A High Rating (66 or above) means you tend to relinquish power to others and to the circumstances of life.
You may even experience yourself as at the mercy of circumstances over which you have little control. You tend to see the world as full of powerful people who can control or protect you. Because of this belief, you tend to submit to those in power and comply with their expectations. You do this to gain safety and win approval. You tend to equate personal worth and security with meeting and living within others’ expectations.
A Low Rating means you have few of the characteristics described above. It further suggests (depending on your scores on other scales) that you may possess many of the strengths of this stance without the liabilities.
Internal Assumptions
Internal assumptions are the beliefs you use to organise your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The internal assumptions often associated with the Complying dimension include:
I am okay if people like me
I am worthy when others approve of me
I need to live up to others’ expectations to succeed
I can stay safe by supporting others
The world is a dangerous place. Caution makes me safe
Loyalty, harmony, and going along to get along protect me from disapproval
Behaviours
Behaviours are the external expression of your internal assumptions. The general behaviours associated with the Complying dimension include:
Cautiously managing what you do to stay in the good graces of others
Beinga“do-gooder”
Saying“yes”whenyoumayreallywanttosay“no”
Calibrating the emotional climate in meetings to see if it is safe to speak
Double checking with authorities before taking action
Couching your speech so that others will not have strong emotional responses
Complying Gifts and Strengths
Every Reactive dimension is capable and gifted. When using the strengths of the Complying dimension you will tend towards:
Recognising and responding to the needs of others
Being reliable
Sensing others’ emotions
Going the extra mile
Maintaining loyalty
Upholding traditions
Being easy to talk to
Serving others
Liabilities
Every Reactive dimension has liabilities and limitations. The downside of the Complying dimension is the constant need (conscious or unconscious) to meet expectations, please others, belong, be sensitive, protected, needed, liked, and respected. This can lead to helplessness and perceived victimisation. The stronger your Complying score, the more power you give away to others, the more you believe that you are not the creator of your life experience, that your efforts do not make much difference, and that you lack the power to create the future you want. Scoring high suggests that you build your sense of worth and security by playing small, complying with others' expectations of you, and submitting your wants, needs, and goals to others.
Complying is a key restraining force to developing a creative stance in leadership. It is the assumption that your life be given over, abdicated to others. This assumption is quite different from that of service. Here vision is seen as belonging to others, not to yourself and shared with others. This assumption diminishes not only ambition, but also the right to being one’s self. These needs result in behaviours which tend toward:
Being non-assertive and passive
Playing by the rules
Acting so as to fit in
Submitting to others’ needs
Denying your own aspirations
Having difficulty acting on your own and preferring to do what you are told
Frequently seeking advice and counsel from another person before making a decision. This tendency is motivated by a fear of being wrong and a desire to avoid situations containing the risk of failure
Beingself-doubting, overly cautious, meek, and predictable in interpersonal relationships
Avoiding risk by not advocating your opinions, not setting goals, not engaging conflict, etc.
Not being aware of your own vision and what you want for your work/life.
Holding back your creative expression
Expressing disagreement indirectly (passive-aggressive)
Related Scores
High scores on this scale are also correlated with reduced scores in the Creative sphere, especially on the Achieving and Authenticity scales. Pursuing your own vision and speaking up for what you want is often blocked or limited. These behaviours come from an internal insecurity such as not feeling worthy or loved, feeling rejected, not feeling needed, feeling alone and unprotected.
You may be limiting your leadership by being reluctant to take control, avoiding responsibility or accountability, not speaking out too vocally, or initiating conflict. You see these behaviours as risky and potentially resulting in the disapproval of others.
If you score low
Scoring low (33 or below) on Complying suggests that you have few of the characteristics described above. It further suggests (depending on your scores on other scales) that you may possess many of the strengths of this stance without the liabilities.
As a reminder, a strong Complying score is a sign that you value relationships, but can also be dictated by those relationships and succumb to the pressures that working with people often brings. If you recognise yourself in these behaviours, the invitation is to explore what could be a better alternative for building strong relationships without as much sacrifice to yourself, to your vision, to what you, your team, your organization or your industry want to create or accomplish. And here is where Relating competencies come in handy, which sit in the "Creative" part of the Leadership Circle Profile.
Relating (Creative)
Relating measures your capability to relate to others in a way that brings out the best in people, groups, and organizations (including yourself).
It is composed of:
Caring Connection – your interest in and ability to form warm, caring relationships.
Fosters Team Play – your ability to foster high-performance teamwork among team members that report to you, across the organization, and within teams in which you participate.
Collaborator – the extent to which you engage others in a manner that allows the parties involved to discover common ground in conflict situations, find mutually beneficial agreements, develop synergy, and create win-win situations.
Mentoring & Developing – your ability to develop others through mentoring, maintain growth-enhancing relationships, and help people grow and develop personally and professionally.
Interpersonal Intelligence – the interpersonal effectiveness with which you listen, and engage in conflict and controversy.
A High Rating means you are naturally inclined to help others reach their potential through individual and team development.
A Low Rating means you may have high Reactive scores, indicating your internal assumptions may be blocking your Relating capacity.
If you score high in Relating (66 or above):
People flourish under your leadership. As a leader, you are a natural team and people developer.
Relating is not a soft form of management, Complying is. You are perfectly capable of confronting and challenging others. You are able to do this in a way that makes the issue, not the person, the focus of the challenge. So, even though people may get tough feedback, they feel supported as a person.
You tend to move toward relationships, and have a bias for love and support not as a strategy to get others to like you (as indicated by a high Complying result), but because caring for and supporting others is a creative expression of who you are. It also brings you joy and satisfaction to be a part of a person or team’s development. If you can support the growth and effectiveness of others, you believe there will be better results, relationships, and satisfaction.
Internal Assumptions
Internal assumptions are the beliefs you use to organise your identity. They are the inner rules or beliefs that define how you see yourself and your relationship to the world. The Internal assumptions often associated with the Relating dimension include:
I am worthy whether people approve of me or not
People are capable and trustworthy
I unconditionally support others as they are
I bring out the best in people
I care about people for their sake, not as a way to get something from them
People have unlimited potential
Building people up is good for business
Behaviours
Behaviours are the external expression of your Internal Assumptions. The general behaviours associated with the Relating dimension include:
Promoting high levels of motivation for teamwork
Fostering open dialogue within the team
Directly addressing issues that get in the way of team performance
Building good rapport and high trust
Respecting another’s opinion even if you disagree with it
Acting as a role model for open communication
Helping people learn, improve, and change
Being an effective coach and mentor
Holding others accountable to set and reach goals
Speaking openly in the presence of “authorities”
Listening to and learning from subordinates
If you score low in Relating (33 or below):
Scoring low on the Relating dimension can have serious implications for your leadership. The most successful leaders score high here. Read about any high Reactive scores to explore how your internal assumptions may be blocking your Relating capacity.
Scoring low suggests that you are underperforming. The behaviours associated with low scores in the Relating dimension include:
Avoid sharing the positive feelings you have for others
Keeping relationships at arm’s length
Offering more criticism than praise
Taking over conversations or interrupting others
Getting angry or defensive when people disagree with you
Blaming others for your problems—expecting them to do most of the changing
Withdrawing from conflict
Making too many decisions yourself or providing too much direction
Delegating too little
Avoiding difficult performance discussions
Low Relating scores undercut high achievement and stem from low self-awareness. Consequently, low scores on this dimension may well show up as low scores on any of the Creative competencies.
Interestingly, the competencies in the Relating dimension have a high positive correlation with Leadership effectiveness.
My own example: self-perception mismatch and trusting my leadership
When completing my own LCP 360, I invited a range of people to assess my leadership based on their experience: from project partners to my boss, to team members - some with who we worked well together, others with whom I wish I showed up differently, asking all to provide honest and anonymous answers. When I saw the results, I made several important discoveries. The image below shows my LCP 360 graph in the Complying and Relating dimensions, where the dark line is my self-assessment and the shaded green is how others assessed my leadership.
Discovery 1: a mismatch between self-percieved leadership and the experience of others
The biggest surprise was how inaccurate my perception of my leadership was compared to how others experienced me. I rated myself as extremely high (95) on all Complying tendencies and as an average (40) in the Relating summary, while my assessors experienced me as somewhat Complying (50) and very high on Relating (95). How I perceived myself was almost the opposite of high others experienced my leadership. Seeing this made me realise that I was my own toughest, AND innacurate, critic. This pattern of undervaluing myself was present across the whole profile. The summary 'Reactve-Creative' scale on the left shows it: I rated myself as having highly Reactive tendencies overall, but those who worked with me for several plus years experienced me as having highly Creative competencies (80+). This discovery alone made me realise that I was undervaluing, and underutilising my skills. I also realised that I was going through a period of life and career change where I wasn't getting the results I wanted (yet) and I was hard on myself. And it showed up in this profile. Once I processed these results, a few months later I applied for, and was approved into, positions that I would consider above my 'pay grade' earlier.
Discovery 2: high on Relating in the Creative
The next question was: "What does it mean that others experience me as very strong in Relating?" It took some reflecting, having further conversations and a few sessions with my coach to accept and recognise that I do have strong relating competencies. Once there, I worked on being less concerned about being too rude or too demanding of my team and colleagues. They experienced my directness as authentic and empowering, and I wasn't realising it. This meant I could spend less time thinking how to approach tricky conversations (e.g. performance, timeliness, quality) and more time acting upon what is needed to be done. You can see why reducing reliance on Complying tendencies correlates with stronger Achieving results. Less energy is spent on worrying and more on collaborating, inclusively, honestly, on our mission, towards our goals.
Discovery 3: high on Pleasing - a close match of self and others's assessment
The part of me that wanted to work on never-ending self-improvement got its piece of cake at the party: I could develop my Collaborator and Interpersonal Intelligence muscles. But the cherry on the cake was Pleasing. I knew I had a pleaser in me. And others have experienced it. Remember LCP's definition of Pleasing:
Pleasing: your need to seek others’ support and approval in order to feel secure and worthwhile.
Seeking support and approval of others... I wouldn't want to let go of this completely, like with any Reactive, because I remembered how useful it can be. I remembered that seeking support and buy-in from the strongest stakeholders at a university before I initiated a change from in-person-only studies to hybrid during Covid-19 helped us work through resistance and fear. With a strong support team, we took a master's program online two days befor the whole university shut down as they tried to figure out how to deal with Covid. The whole university except for our master's program. We were the first and only program to transition without loosing a single day, or a single class. And it wouldn't have happened without me seeking the buy-in first.
What I started to work on is the last part: "... in order to feel secure and worthwhile". This shows up in me initiating ideas or projecs where people may disagree, but which I feel need to be actioned. The inner work that I'm doing on this is not about suddenly not caring what others think. It is about listening deeper to myself first, to asking what do I think is needed, and not letting go of that as quickly as someone high on Pleasing would. But of course, I initially overcompensated and went into a somewhat extreme version of listening to myself only, with initial results being not as good as I expected... Isn't adult development fun? But I learned from this as well and recalibrated towards a healthy balance of listening to self and others. Most of the time.
How do I know I'm in the right zone on this one? I try paying attention to what's driving my action (anxiety or resolve), I continue developing my Interpersonal Intelligence ("The interpersonal effectiveness with which you listen, and engage in conflict and controversy" - LCP) and stay open to feedback, but don't take it as absolute truth. One such feedback I received was: "We appreciate you, because when you disagree, you challenge us to do things differently, but you're not arrogant about it, you say "Let's do this differently together" - and that works for us."
Your own leadership development: what now?
Start paying attention to the beliefs you hold about ways of relating to others, about having honest conversations, about providing and seeking feedback, about naming the elephant in the room and having a position at work and in life. As we aim to develop, we may need to start updating those beliefs to better suit where we want to go.
For higher accuracy using the Leadership Circle Profile for your own development, consider:
Completing the free LCP Self-Assessment on Leadership Circle's' website.
Getting in touch if you want a full 360 LCP+debrief (I'm a certified LCP practitioner).
Coming up next
Leadership development for high achievers: how to let go and still get results, sustainably.
Inspiring leadership series:
Intro to the Leadership Circle Profile: a map for your leadership development
Definitions of 29 Reactive and Creative leadership dimensions of the LCP
Leadership development for relators: how to stop pleasing and start achieving, together (this post)
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Footnotes:
More on LCP's correlations: https://leadershipcircle.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/The-Leadership-Circle-and-Organizational-Performance.pdf
About Anton
A professional coach with a master’s in psychology, I specialise in working with leaders and creatives wanting to do better for themselves and their world.