top of page
Writer's pictureAnton Zemlyanoy

Introduction to Inner Critics

or why would anyone be mean to themselves?



 

Are you your own best friend, being honest while being supportive, or do you find yourself being your harshest critic, unreasonably tough and even unkind to yourself? If the latter is familiar to you - well, you're not alone. Welcome to the land of Inner Critics.


Although I was familiar with self-criticism by noticing being at times hard on myself, I was introduced to this unusual concept of Inner Critics in my initial coach training in the U.S.


As beginner coaches, we were advised not to engage with Inner Critics in our clients, similar to Neo in The Matrix being advised not to engage with the agents.


But how fascinating! That there is a powerful force inside of us capable of making us believe we are "less" than we really are. That can make us feel like imposters when we step into new roles at work. That can convince us that others are made for whatever we dream of and not us.


Actor portrays a relationship with Inner critic

My work for GQ with actor Danila Kozlovsky exploring the concept of self-criticism years before I stepped into coaching



Why would we do this to ourselves?

And is it, in fact, our conscious choice?

Or is it a mechanism that gets activated automatically?


Researching and experimenting with it further on myself and my willing clients, I arrived at some interesting discoveries and a few painful “a-ha’s".



Discovery 1: Inner Critics are internalised beliefs


Inner Critic is a metaphor to describe negative self-talk, which is an indicator of negative beliefs we hold about ourselves.

Beliefs that are often inaccurate and mostly incomplete.


Initially, they exist as external concepts, like"You're not good enough because of X" or "You're only accepted if you achieve Y", but if not careful, they can become internalised and accepted as truths and form parts of our identity. These concepts tend to be accepted as truths when we hear them from sources we perceive as authorities and when our critical thinking is not at its best.


Unhealthy perfectionism, imposter syndrome, burnout, lack of energy, inability to stop - these are all signs of Inner Critics driving our behaviours.


It is imperative that as we mature, we put these believed "truths" under scrutiny to see where they are inaccurate and not reflective of the wider reality. This is because these beliefs are formed or accepted by our younger selves, and a less mature psyche tends to generalise, collapse ideas and exaggerate (just remember yourself as a teenager).



An example of generalisation:


I was once in a Q&A session with 100+ young and aspiring creatives. One of them asked:

"I was told that you cannot make a decent income as a creative - is that true?".

I checked: "Well, this person who told you that, are they making a decent income as a creative?"

The young man replied: "No".

I: "So, it is their experience, but they are presenting it as an absolute truth. My experience is that you can make a good living being a professional creative. And it is my reality".



Although, indeed, a lot of creatives struggle financially, there are also those who succeed and a wider reality check will include both.


We have a chance, and a responsibility, to cleanse ourselves of false and outdated concepts. Otherwise, we pay the price, and so do others around us.



Internalisation is a nonconscious psychological process by which we assimilate beliefs and feelings of others as our own (source: American Pyshocological Association)



Discovery 2: Inner Critics are powerful forces


Inner Critics can be powerful forces: if activated and not held in place, they can take over our internal narrative to make us believe we are less than, that we should know our place, that it’s better to play so safe that we don’t even try, or try hesitantly. Cracked lenses, through which everything is skewed towards self-criticism. So it’s important to pay attention to which forces are operating within us at any given time, which lenses we are wearing, and this can be done by paying attention to our internal narrative.




Discovery 3: Inner Critics have good intentions


A surprising discovery was that, counterintuitively, Inner Critics actually serve a protective purpose. They do it in two seemingly strange ways, but they both make sense:


1. Maintaining our identity.

If we believe we are “procrastinators”, it is often easier to maintain that identity rather than see what will happen if we stop delaying and move ahead. In psychoanalysis, this is considered a psychological defence against the anxiety of the unknown.


2. Keeping us away from pain.

Like a grandma keeping a grandson from riding a bicycle “because he will hurt himself if he falls”, inner critics protect us from experiencing pain again. Replace “bicycle” with giving another presentation. Or going for a promotion again. Or leading a project. Or starting a business.


Yes, it will hurt if we fall. If the presentation is a flop. If we have to shut down a project we invested so much in. Or to complete a relationship we once hoped would last a lifetime. But falling is part of life. And so are Inner Critics.




Discovery 4: who is your DJ?


The final discovery was this: you get to fire and replace the DJ who plays the background music in your life. You can work on taking the microphone from your Inner Critic and passing it to other parts of you, parts that can play tracks from Rocky (or something more subtle).


You DO get to choose, remember that. And yes, sometimes having that choice takes work, but it is worth it. Similar to going to see a dentist. Or taking your car in for a service. Or fine-tuning a musical instrument. There is a reason people do all of the above.


P.S. If this is a first time you're reading about this concept, this could be enough for you. If you want to read more - a more detailed guide to Inner Critics and how to engage with them in this post.


 

Footnotes


  1. Internalization, definition by APA: https://dictionary.apa.org/internalization

bottom of page